Domination: Is It All Whips, Chains, And Pain?

Thanks to the popularity of the Fifty Shades series, more and more people are opening up their minds to the idea of domination. The idea of having another person take control of them, of punishing them for things they have done, is a turn on to some. Others aren’t so sure, as they don’t want to have pain inflicted upon them.

You could be forgiven for thinking that domination was all whips, chains, and pain. It’s these things that people tend to talk about the most. But there is so much more to the world of BDSM than being hit with a cane or flogged. Sometimes you don’t even have to be touched!

What is domination?

People think of being dominated and they imagine that a dominatrix would stand over them with a whip in their hands, bringing it down hard onto their fleshy ass to punish them. For some people this is an absolute dream. It is what they want and what they think they deserve. However, this isn’t all that dominating is.

The main part of being dominated is that you are controlled. You put your trust entirely in another person, which some believe gives you the strongest relationship you can have. The relationship between a dominatrix and her submissive is intense. She will understand instinctively what her sub needs, often without having to ask.

You give up your control to someone else. This doesn’t always have to mean pain, so if you aren’t interested in being beaten black and blue, or even left a little pink on the ass from an intense spanking, there are plenty of other things that you can do. In fact, if you don’t want any physical contact, there are some things you can do.

Virtually dominated

Not in the same city, or even country, as your dominatrix? Don’t worry, as you can actually enjoy phone domination.

It works in a similar way to how phone sex might. Your dominatrix may explain just how they would dominate you if you were there, and you’d have to respond with “yes mistress” to show that you are listening and not up to no good while they speak.

They might also tell you different ways for you to punish yourself. If they suspect you are jerking off while you talk, they might order you to stop. They could even say that you are allowed to touch yourself… but you cannot cum until they give the command. It will be a huge turn on to try and stop yourself from going over the edge without their position… and no pain in sight!

Financial domination

If you want to be dominated financially you want to give control of your money to your dominatrix. This, more often than not, isn’t a sexual thing. However, it can still give you the same kind of satisfaction that you might find from any other BDSM session.

Financial domination involves a findom (financial dominatrix) and their pay pig. The findom can take control of your finances in a number of ways. Often it is by telling you what you can and cannot spend money on. They might even set you budgets.

You’ll pay your bills each month and then pay a visit to your findom to let them take control of the rest. It can go through extremes, so they might go shopping with you and stop you from buying everything you want, or they might order you to pay their bills for them if they feel inclined and you have consented to this kind of treatment.

Dominating your data

With the fast-paced technological world we live in, it is hardly surprising that you can now have a dominatrix take control of your data. There are so many ways they can control what you do online, which makes data domination such an interesting idea for those who want to be controlled without physical pain.

You might confess to them that you spend a lot of time looking at porn sites. They might then decide that you aren’t allowed to do this any more. So what will they do? They will (with your permission) put a block on those websites.

They might start off small, limiting the amount of time you can spend on them. Or they might simply cut you off completely. They could use screen sharing software to check what you are doing during your session with them, or use remote access to stop you in the middle of something. It is a whole new way to give up control… and yet it is just as thrilling!

Are you willing to submit?

BDSM isn’t all about the pain. For some people, pain is a big part of it. For others it is all about the control. Personally, when I’ve enjoyed BDSM in the past it has been about the control. Sure, being spanked and feeling the sting of their hand on your ass is a turn on, but the idea of being controlled is what gets me off.

What do you think? Is it all about pain, or is control the bigger factor here? Let us know what you think by voting in the poll below.

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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