Is Porn Giving us a Messed up View of Sex?
November 21, 2015
If you’re going to ask me if porn provides us an unrealistic view on sex, I would reply with another question where I ask if the Star Wars film are making us believe that the Galactic Empire will take over the House of Parliament.
Like with many topics that are going on in the world today, they’re always going to have its pros and cons. I personally like porn, and I’ve actually learned some of my moves from x-rated videos. I once encountered a guy through the dating app ‘Tinder’ and he loved every single moment of our time in the bedroom. He kept asking me
“Where did you learn all your moves from?”
“Xvideos, duh?” In a joking manner, of course.
Our fluctuating opinions on porn
I know my likes and dislikes, but I’m also considerate and open-minded about the fact that not everyone can bend it like Beckham, and not everyone likes porn. It all started from a couple of naughty VHS tapes back in the 60s and 70s and then – thanks to the internet – it has set up a whole network of its own.
Even though we, as a society, are becoming more accepting to porn, the topic has a hidden taboo that is settled right underneath our noses. Some people are now stating that if you watch porn, you’re fighting for Feminism. Yet this discussion still has a grey area you can’t easily jump over as the current media portrays its mixed views on porn. You still get a lot of people boldly stating that porn is misogynistic and that it objectifies women, and that it gives men and women a false idea on how sex works in our daily lives. At this generation, there isn’t a simple right or wrong answer, but you have to ask yourself:
“Why do we think like that?”
Everyone has been given a sex education class at school, but they don’t teach you the whole spectrum of sex. The institutions only teach the children what a dick and a pussy is, and what happens to it when you’ve reached puberty and how you make babies; that’s about it. They don’t give you enough insight on the ordeal of sex when you’ve started to come of age, and chemicals like oxytocin, testosterone and endorphins start surging through your bloodstream.
When teenagers don’t get the information that need about sex, they’ll look at porn and try to fill in the gaps without learning about porn in the first place, and that is very worrying. I think that the people who preach about the negative features of porn don’t fully understand why it even exists in the first place.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and think about the cause and effect within porn. If someone watches porn and hasn’t been given any information on what it is and why it exists, the person is going to develop a twisted view on what sex should be like. He or she would probably end up making their partner feel uncomfortable or coerced into something that they don’t want to do, such as hair pulling, ripping clothes off, spitting…you know, the rough kind of stuff. When cases like these occur, you can’t immediately point the finger at porn. Instead, you have to look into the background of the person and understand why he or she thought it was normal to casually do porn acts in the bedroom.
Knowing the difference between porn and sex
What people tend to forget is that porn is mainly based on a fantasy, just like a lot of movies that are based on fiction. It can make us feel inspired to act out some scenes from a video, but we all now know that a guy can’t physically hold his cum for an hour. How could we have known that if we haven’t been taught this from a young age? You’ll find it very rare to find a school that would teach you how to masturbate, and guys will either have to find out on their own or by looking at porn, which again, is not the right way to fill in the gaps in your sex knowledge.
Furthermore, the institutions don’t even tell you the difference between porn and love, or sex and love. They don’t teach you that they’re both not exactly the same things and that sucking another man’s dick isn’t an act of love, it’s just another way of making your man cum in your mouth.
I was given some advice from my old college friends about what to expect and what not to expect when it came to me having sex for the first time. One of them told me to not expect to cum the first time round, but surprisingly I did, and my boyfriend at the time climaxed twice and we both ended the session feeling satisfied. Some of you may be thinking ‘That’s bullshit.’ but others may be wondering ‘How did you manage to cum on your first time?’ Well, I didn’t take notes from porn. I initially had an overall view of what it was going to be like via porn, but I had to educate myself on how a girl can actually orgasm, and what turned me on. Again, thank you porn.
The debate that is still going on today
Speaking about this subject with an open perspective, of course, there are some aspects in porn that are almost impossible to accomplish in real life. I mean, it’s not every day that your girlfriend would let you cum on her face every time you have sex, or that every week she gets involved in a bukkake session. Porn is not any different to what you read or see in the media today, they will always emphasise some aspects in it just to tingle our imagination. For example, I have my fetishes but I won’t immediately expect my boyfriend or girlfriend to act them out with me.
Unfortunately, some media outlets don’t have common sense and ultimately think of stupid notions like:
“Oh, my boyfriend wants me to dress like trash. Blame the porn!”
“Oh, my boyfriend can’t make me cum. Blame the porn!”
“Oh, my boyfriend wants me to do a threesome with another girl which I simply don’t want to do. Blame the fucking porn!”
I keep reimagining this idea that porn is treated like the Holy Bible, and then when they realise that their dreams can’t come true and the fact that they can’t split the sea in half, they start handling it as if it’s book filled with factoids that’s poisoning the minds of men and women.
Whether you think that porn gives us an unrealistic view on sex or not, it shouldn’t be put up on a pedestal, otherwise you’re gonna get radical views on both ends of the rainbow. Overall, my advice to you would be this: don’t have a heavy opinion on porn until you understand the whole ordeal with it. If you want to have a healthy sex life with your partner, talk to her what she likes and learn the ways that will make her feel satisfied in bed. Don’t mix up fantasy with reality.
She is possibly most famous for her erotic stories, but is equally adept at giving top quality sex advice, all the time bringing in her 'personal experiences'.
When she isn't sharing her most intimate encounters, Zoe keeps herself active by watching videos on Youtube, and listening to music.
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